Questions

Why now?
Because I can't sleep.
There is a mystery that I need to create.
Because life is short and I don't want to make it any shorter.
Because my strength is also my liability.

Why only now?
Because it is inevitable.
There are things that cannot be changed and while I am almost always inclined to accept, I do not always understand and therein lies the biggest battle.
Because there was never an opportunity.

Why, I ask?
'Why not?' is my reply.
I also do not want to have a heart attack.
I am my best and worst enemy.
Even if I am allegedly unloveable, I know I am not.

Why then?
Because there is no choice.
Because that is the card that life dealt me and it is the card that I so foolishly (yet happily at that time) accepted.
If Iknow myself, happiness is just around the corner. It's just that the pain occupies the whole block for the time being.

How much?
To the very core of my being.
Yet I write as long as I can still say this is so.

How long?
Henceforth.

What then?
Shed a few, no, a lot of tears.
Breathe. Still live.
Choose to be happy.
Do not because it was said but because it is hopefully what I was meant to do.
Change hopefully because it is theright thing to do.
Understand and endure because I am most capable of doing so. These are still strengths that I need not boast of.
Strive to ignore without being callous.
Pray. Love.


Finally, sleep is knocking and I am very eager to answer. The trickle of my tears slow down. Peace. For now.